1942: In a time of war, three (almost) legendary heroes, who's fame lies in the exaggerated rumors of small neighborhoods, gather together for the purpose of fighting for justice, righting that which is wrong and generally killing time. Due to their spirited efforts, they became the idol of dozens.
They are . . .
Johnny Thunder - He has a pink Genie and a bowtie.
Plastic Man - He's twistable and twisted.
The Jester - He dresses like a fool.
The Red Tornado - She wears a bucket over her head.
Along with their new friend Stripesy, they've become a legend who will last a lunchtime.
THE THREE SWELL GUYS!
Stripesy strolled down the street on his usual evening patrol of the city. He felt that the sight of a member of the JSA - Or at least a former one - would be a welcome, inspiring sight during wartime. The fact that most people didn't realize that he was ever in the JSA didn't deter him. He marched proudly down the street, smiling at people reassuringly.
"Who's the clown in the costume?" one man asked his friend.
"Some superhero," the friend said. "Supposed to be good for you."
Stripesy came across some friends of his. A young group a boys hawking newspapers. They were collectively called the Newsboy Legion.
"Hi there, kids," Stripesy said. "How are things going?"
"Hiya, Mr. Stripes," one of the kids replied. "We're busy, busy, busy." He held up a newspaper and shouted loudly, "Extra, extra, read all about it! JSA saves world again!"
"That only just happened," Stripesy said. "It's amazing how up to date your headlines always are."
"That ain't nuthin', Mr. Stripes, look at this."
A new batch of papers was delivered to the Newsboys. They showed Stripesy an article. The headline read, 'Stripesy Meets With Newsboys While On Patrol!'
"Wow!" Stripesy said, impressed, "That's current!"
Just then, Stripesy was hit on the head by a banana peel. Annoyed, Stripesy took the peel off his head. "Littering. Shameful. They should have more pride in their home, especially during a war. Excuse me, boys, while I handle this."
"Go kick some rump, Mr. Stripe!" the boys yelled.
"There's no need for language, boys. Let's set an example."
Stripesy saw a man tossing litter around.
"Excuse me, sir," Stripesy said. "But I must take issue with your uncivil actions."
The man tossed on orange peel onto Stripesy's face and ducked around a corner. Stripesy pulled the peel off. "Okay. Now I'm going to have to go beyond harsh language."
Stripesy turned the corner and his jaw dropped. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. A whole avenue full of people were tossing papers, bottles and other various forms of trash all over the place. They were emptying out their pockets and tossing the contents away. Some of them were overturning trash cans and recycling bins. And still others were ripping "Uncle Sam Wants You" and "Buy Bonds" posters off of walls and flinging them away.
"Great balls of Fire!" Stripesy exclaimed. "They . . . They're all littering! Disgusting! How uncivil minded! They're even dumping the contents of the recycling bins! And in a time of rationing. Disgraceful!"
Stripesy went to the middle of the avenue and yelled loudly, "All right everyone, listen to me! I'm a member of the Justice Society of America. Well, I was a member. Well, a reserve member anyway."
The citizens of the city began pelting him with garbage. "Ow! Now see here, I don't know what this is all about but it has to stop! There are strict rationing rules in effect, and emptying recycling bins is unacceptable. Besides, we won't win the President's 'cleanest city' award at this rate! And would you all please stop throwing garbage at me while I'm trying to talk to you."
They finished throwing things at him and continued messing up the area. Stripesy studied them closely. He noticed that they had no expression on their faces and were very quiet. "Hmmm, they may be hypnotized. What kind of fiend would make the good people of this city dirty it up?"
Stripesy saw hope approaching in the distance; hope in the form of Wonder Woman. The beautiful Amazon warrior walked in his direction. Stripesy ran to greet her. Now here is someone who can handle the situation. Thank goodness she's here.
"Wonder Woman, I'm -- "
Wonder Woman lifted Stripesy up and dumped him in the now empty trash pail. She then proceeded to start pulling hubcaps of cars and tossing them all over the street.
Stripesy was struggling to get out of the garbage can. "I may be wrong, but I think Wonder Woman is under the spell too."
"There's no need to fear!" a new voice yelled. "The cavalry is here!"
Stripesy, still stuck, managed to turn his head enough to see who had just arrived. Four people in costumes were present. They were a motley crew. Stripesy recognized Johnny Thunder from his time on the JSA. And he figured that the guy in red who was stretching was the 'Plastic Man' he'd heard about. The guy in the jester outfit and the fat lady with the bucket over her head were a mystery to him.
"We'll handle things!" the man in the jester costume announced. "We are . . . The Three Swell Guys!"
Stripesy made a practical observation. "But there are four of you."
The three men pointed to the woman with the red tights and the bucket on her head. She was known as the Red Tornado. "She ain't a guy!" the three men yelled.
The Red Tornado nodded her bucket. "They's right. I ain't."
"Haven't you heard of the Three Swell Guys?" the man called the Jester asked. "We've got a great record. We solved three out of our last ten cases. And that explosion wasn't our fault."
"What explosion?"
"Why go into it? It's history."
"I'm getting a headache," Stripesy said.
"That's probably from being upside down in a trash can," Johnny Thunder said. "Golly jeepers, Stripesy, you look ridiculous."
"Gee thanks, kid," Stripesy said. "So get me outta here!"
"While you're doing that, the rest of us'll go and do good deeds, right team?" the Jester asked.
"Abso-flammin-loutely!" Plastic Man said. "Lemme at 'em. Litterers are right up there with Jay-walkers and Nazis on my list of non-swell guys." Plastic Man reshaped himself into a big broom and began to sweep up everything, including the people. "A new broom sweeps clean."
Johnny Thunder shouted "Cei-U!" - the special cry that can summon his genie, the Thunderbolt. The mystic, powerful and very pink being appeared. He had a shower cap on.
"Sorry to be so long, Master Johnny," the Thunderbolt said. "You caught me in the shower."
"Jimminey Jillickers, Thunderbolt!" Johnny Thunder said. "Forget about that! We've got a problem. First, I need you to get Stripesy out of the garbage."
The Thunderbolt looked put out. "That's what you called me all the way from the mystic realm for?"
"Creepy crawlies! Just do it, 'Bolt!"
The Thunderbolt sighed. "Yes master." He made the garbage can float up into the air. Then he expanded it's size. Stripesy slipped out and crashed to the ground.
"It's gonna be one of those days!" Stripesy said, frustrated.
Meanwhile, Plastic Man was sweeping the street, while the Jester and the Red Tornado followed along, picking up any litter that he missed.
But then Plastic Man ran into a problem . . . Wonder Woman!
"Vaa vaa vaa voom, and Hubba Hubba!" Plastic Man said. "I'm in love. Say there, honey, how'd you like to get lucky with a super hero?"
"Stay out of my way," Wonder Woman said robot-like, "or I'll kill you."
"Oh yeah?" Plastic Man said. "Well you'll have to kill me first!"
Wonder Woman grabbed the broom-shaped Plastic Man and threw him into the side of a building. He bent into an accordion. Regaining his shape, he stretched back towards her, "Oh baby, I love a chicky who plays hard to get. So what's a nice girl like you doing in a place -- "
Wonder Woman flattened his face out, rolled him into a ball and shoved him into the recycling bin. She put a car on top of it, and walked away.
"Hey honey," Plastic Man's voice called from inside the bin, under the car, "You're tough, mean and dangerous. I must have your phone number!"
"Johnny!" Stripesy said to Johnny Thunder, "command your Thunderbolt to stop Wonder Woman."
Johnny just stared at Wonder Woman, flushed and sweating. He tried to talk but only an incomprehensible stutter came out.
"He's always like this around Wonder Woman," the Thunderbolt said.
"Wonderful," Stripesy said, "Can't you do anything?"
"I can't act until my master orders me."
"Excuse me, I'm just gonna jump off the roof for a minute."
Meanwhile, the Jester did a funny Fool Dance which was meant to distract Wonder Woman. While the Amazon's attention was diverted, the portly Red Tornado rammed into Wonder Woman. But the Amazon didn't budge. The Red Tornado tried head-butting Wonder Woman with her bucket. Wonder Woman pulled the bucket off and crushed it.
"Hey!" Red Tornado yelled indignantly. "She just squished my helmet. She ruined my trademark head-butt. That was my super power. Head-Butting."
Stripesy had just about had enough. "You're All Useless Bloody Loonies!!!"
"Why does everyone say that?" the Jester asked.
"I wonder," the Thunderbolt muttered.
A laugh was heard. The Jester looked around. "That's an evil laugh if I've ever heard one!"
A slovenly man dressed in old cloths that didn't match, an antique Victorian waistcoat, and a world War One helmet stood across the street. laughing. He had a tool belt around his waist. He had a ‘J' on his belt buckle and on his helmet.
"Who in the name of John Wayne are you?" the Jester asked.
"I am the guy who is fed up and not going to take it anymore. I'm the no-longer silent majority! I am the poor striking back. I am . . . the Junkman!"
The Swell Guys all broke in hysterical laughter. "The 'Junkman!' Bwaa Ha Ha Ha! Oh brother! That's rich. It is to laugh at!"
The Junkman was very insulted. "Well look who's talking! The rejects of justice!"
"Hey!" Plastic Man yelled, slowly oozing his way out of his predicament. "I resemble that remark!"
"All of you stay where you are!" Junkman said, drawing a bizarre looking raygun that was made of pipe, a radio, wire and tin cans. "This gun is more lethal than it looks and I am a very good shot. I can hit a bird flying eight times out of ten. On a good day. With my right hand. With my left hand I can probably hit a bird six times out of ten. Unless it was perched, in which case I could probably hit it . . . "
"What the Sam Hill is going on!" Stripesy loudly demanded to know.
"It's dirt simple, you dolt," Junkman said. "I am an inventor. I make my living inventing things. Nothing big, mind you, but I've introduced a steady stream of little stuff. I invented the Orange Pit removed, and the disposable earmuff. But my problem is, I'm not rich. I can't afford money to buy parts and do research. So I scavenged. I got my work materials from garbage pails and junk yards. I had a great source to draw from. But then the war came. All this rationing and recycling. No one throws out anything good anymore. All I get is useless stuff like cotton swabs and banana peels. What am I supposed to make with that? I'll go broke before this war ends. I won't out up with that! So I used what little equipment I had left to create the mesmero-hypno-mind control whammy blaster. It makes everyone exposed to it want to litter. It compels people to waste. Waste which I collect and make new inventions from."
"That is the stupidest plan I've ever heard!" Stripesy said.
"Huh?" The Junkman exclaimed, surprised.
"Look, you numskull," Stripesy snapped. "There's war on and good builders and engineers are needed. Your skills are in demand now. You don't have to be an unsuccessful inventor any more. This war could be the best thing that ever happened to you."
The Junkman's jaw dropped. "Boy, do I feel stupid. I'll go and apply right now."
"What about all the hypnotized people?"
The Junkman handed Stripesy a flashlight-looking device. "Here. Use this, it'll snap them all out of their trance. Thanks for the good advice. Boy, do I feel good."
Suddenly, Plastic Man stretched his arm out quickly and knocked the Junkman unconscious. Stripesy looked at him annoyed. "What's the idea?"
"Good guys conk the bad guys," Plastic Man said merrily. "That's what we do. Right?"
"So you waited until I distracted him?"
"Nah, I could have clobbered him any time."
"Then why didn't you?"
"I had to wait until it was ironic."
"That's it!" Stripesy grumbled. "I'm out of here! I'm going to free Wonder Woman and get the heck away from you goofballs."
"Before you go, we salute you," Jester said. "You wear the Red, White, and Blue, and your breath is minty fresh. You're a real hero."
"Golly gettalong," Johnny Thunder said. "Maybe we should let him join."
"Are you nuts!" Stripesy said. "Who wants to join?"
"We'll have to change out name to the Four Swell Guys," Plastic Man said.
"But that would make five," Stripesy said, logically.
The men all pointed to the Red Tornado. "She ain't a guy."
"I ain't," she agreed.
Stripesy sighed, meanwhile, more papers were delivered to the Newsboy Legion. "Extra, extra, read all about it. 'Stripesy Joins the Five Swell Guys'!"
"No, I didn't!" he protested.
"Stripesy suggests a name change for his new team," the Newsboys announced.
"Not true!" he insisted.
"Stripesy gave up the JSA and the Star-Spangled Kid to be a member of the Swell guys."
"All lies!" he snapped.
Despite his protests, Stripesy somehow ended up as the new leader of the Five Swell Guys.
Next issue: The origin of Dr. Mid-Nite!