APRIL 2002 - #32

Special April Fools issue! And Now For Something Completely Different . . . by Paul Hahn

It's a helluva town. Or so they say, anyway. I wouldn't know . . . I've never been. But let's just go with it and continue . . .

Here's a recap: Just under a week ago, the teenage heroes called Young Justice were involved in the battle of their lives. A group of powerful, deadly mutants called the Marauders entered the Morlock tunnels and began a systematic slaughter of every living being inside. The team responded and did their best. It wasn't enough.

Many Morlocks were killed. Just about every other one was injured. The team didn't walk away too easily, either. Two of their members were killed. Cassie Sandsmark, a.k.a. Wonder Girl, and Jennifer-Lynn Haden, Jade. Though their sacrifice was not in vain. The team managed to defeat the Marauders eventually, and even stop the robotic being that was behind everything.

Chuck Barnes and Kon-El, Nightwing and Superboy, respectively, were both bed ridden. Chuck had suffered serious injuries and was recovering. Superboy's powers seemed to be depleted, making him susceptible to injury and leaving him fairly weak. Bart Allen, Impulse, was stuck in hyper-mode. His body was moving so fast that he was intangible and couldn't slow down. He was inside a containment tube, being constantly monitored by the team's mentor, Red Tornado, searching for a way to help him. Cissie King-Jones, Arrowette, was temporarily blinded by an attack, but her eyes had since pretty much healed.

Linda Danvers, Firebird, had gotten out of the fight without much harm. Her other persona, however, named Phoenix, had emerged again. The persona was an extremely powerful telepath and telekinetic, and each time it emerged, Linda's own super strength began to fade. She had no memory of the Phoenix's actions, and it worried her.

Hallie Takahama, Jolt, made it own with only minor injuries, as well. She was lucky. And then there were the two guests. A mysterious girl that they called Rebel appeared early on. They knew nothing about her, as she apparently couldn't speak . . . at least, not much. She seemed fairly unharmed. And then there was the Spoiler . . . she entered late, and made it out okay, as well. But the team also had no idea who she was.

Especially Cissie . . . since, she was the Spoiler . . .

But anyway! Getting back to things . . . New York, New York. It's a helluva town! And it's here that we find some of the cast from the recap: Cissie, Linda, Hallie . . . as well as Rebel and Spoiler. The five of them had decided to get out of their mansion base . . . away from all their troubles, at least for a little while. It was a girl's night out on the town . . . a night of fast fun, shopping, dancing, and good food!

For the most part . . .

"This is great!" Hallie exclaimed as the five walked down a sidewalk under the light of a street lamp. The city was still crowded with people; it truly never did sleep. "I haven't done this, in like . . . years! It's so much fun . . . hangin' with friends . . . shopping . . . it's great! It's really helping me take my mind off of everything else . . . "

"Yeah . . . great," Cissie said.

"Oh, lighten up," the Spoiler said.

"Yeah . . . fine," Cissie said, biting her lip to keep from snapping. She's a fake! And only I know it! Because I was Spoiler! I took on that identity when the team was grounded . . . and I began a relationship with Chuck from it. And now, out of nowhere, this little hussy steals my identity! She's nothing like me! Won't tell us her real name, either . . . and she insists on wearing that scarf and those sunglasses to keep us from seeing her hair or eyes . . . though she's seen us. And that Jamaican accent . . . how could Chuck not know she's not the same Spoiler? Some detective . . .

"I am a bit concerned, though," Linda said. "I mean, we still haven't cured Bart . . . figured out what happened to Kon . . . and though our little Rebel is staying with us and seems happy, we don't know anything about her - and she can't tell us! And I would do a mind scan, but that power only seems to appear when I'm Phoenix . . . which I know nothing about . . . "

"Don't worry too much," Spoiler grinned. "She's happy . . . she's smiling. She doesn't seem to care."

"But she's spoken before," Cissie said. "She said 'Morlocks . . . help . . . now' when we first saw her. She hasn't spoken since. I don't get it."

Rebel shrugged.

"Well, at least she understands us," Linda said. "Y'know . . . It just occurred to me that we don't know much about each other . . . "

"You're right," Hallie said. "Hey . . . why don't we stop into that Starbucks there and just . . . hang?"

Linda smiled. "Sounds good to me!"

"Okay," Cissie sighed. The five girls were sitting comfortably around a small corner table, sipping their various drinks. She was up first. "Here goes. My family, well . . . it's sort of got a line of heroes. But it's really secretive . . . we change last names, like, every generation now . . . code names and everything. There isn't a legacy, so much, since it's kept hidden. But I did have a grandfather use a bow and arrow in World War II. Anyway. I'm the second lady of our line of heroes. My power . . . is my eyesight. I've got, I guess, just really sharp eyes. My mom was a super hero for a brief while, but not too successful . . . so she wanted me to be good. When she noticed my eyesight, she trained me in archery. I've been practicing since I was able to hold a bow. I have to practice constantly and work hard to stay in shape, though. I ran into Impulse early on in my career . . . we worked together now and then. When he formed Young Justice with Superboy and Robin, he invited me in . . . and I've been with the team ever since."

"So . . . you're a mutant?" Spoiler asked.

"Excuse me?" Cissie asked.

"I don't mean any insult," she said. "I'm just sayin' . . . born with your eyes . . . mutants are born wit there powers, mon."

"I . . . don't know," Cissie shrugged.

"Well, I received my powers from somewhere," Hallie said. "I used to be just a normal girl . . . I lived with my parents in Chicago for a long time . . . just before I turned fourteen we moved to New York. Got an apartment . . . I missed my old friends, but I was happy. And then . . . then, it gets . . . hazy. From what I've been able to piece together is that a group, called the Rat Pack, was going around that area, murdering parents, robbing them, and stealing away their orphaned children. The children . . . they would go to Arnim Zola, the Bio-Fanatic. He's an insane man, currently working for the Imperial Forces of America. He was trying to create a super-powered army, experimenting with kids . . . only most of his experiments ended up turning the kids into freakish monsters. I was one of his few successes . . . so he tortured me the most, trying to learn just how it was that I worked. He gave me the ability to absorb ambient energy . . . kinetic, anything . . . and use it to give me speed, crazy-style reflexes . . . and shock punches. When YJ came to Zola's base searching for answers about Wonder Girl, they freed me . . . and since I've got nowhere else to go, and these powers . . . I joined. I try not to think about my old life . . . "

Everyone was silent for a moment. Finally, Linda decided to tell her part.

"Well, mine's a little . . . strange," she said. "I'm not sure I quite understand it. I used to live in Kansas of all places. One night, there was a meteor shower. So I went out to one of the big fields near my family's farm . . . and I just laid down, all night, watching the shower. It was great . . . but then, I saw one . . . and it came close. Closer, with each second. I got scared . . . and before I knew what it was, the burst of light that I thought was a meteor, hit me. It was some sort of energy . . . it went into me . . . I screamed . . . and fire burst out from around me. I sent the whole field on fire. It was pretty intense. I guess, now that I think about it . . . that kinda sounds like what happens every time I become this . . . 'Phoenix' person."

"Phoenix?" Spoiler asked.

"Every now and then, I black out . . . yell 'I am Phoenix' . . . and then kick out some awesome light show. A Phoenix is a mythological bird of fire that rises from the ashes . . . I always figured my powers were super strength and invulnerability . . . flight by the wings of fire I can create, limited telekinesis . . . but it could be all psionic in nature. I don't know . . . "

"We'll find out sometime," Cissie said. "Well, since I doubt our Rebel's going to tell us her story . . . "

Rebel simply stared at Cissie, not making any sound.

" . . . Maybe Spoiler here would tell us hers?" Cissie continued.

Spoiler nodded. "I should. You have all been very generous to me, and you know almost nothing of me. Well, let me start off with my name. It's . . . what in the world?"

"What in the world?" Cissie asked. "What kind of name is that?"

"No, Cissie," Hallie said, pointing out the window. "Look!"

Garbage of all sorts was flying about the streets. Papers, old, half eaten food, wastes, old tires, empty bottles and cans, all sorts of disgusting things were filling the streets, swirling about.

"What in the world . . . ?" Cissie asked.

"A tornado?" Spoiler asked.

"In New York City?" Linda asked.

"Let's check it out," Hallie said, leaping to her feet and stepping outside. "It's not all that windy . . . "

"It smells bad," Linda noted.

"It's a mess!" Cissie exclaimed.

"Of course it is!" a man's voice exclaimed with joy. "A perfect mess!" The man giggled as he approached the girls. He was dressed like a bum. Old, beaten clothes . . . messed hair . . . a dirty face. Untied shoe laces.

" . . . Umm . . . who are you?" Spoiler asked.

"Me?" the man asked back. "Why, I'm the Grand Master of Messiness! And this . . . is my mess!"

"You've gotta be kidding me," Cissie frowned.

"I kid you not!" he exclaimed. "Once, I was just a simple bum, forced to live in what many would consider a junk pile . . . a mess! Then, I found the power to get revenge on the world that looked down upon me! I could make anywhere and everywhere a mess! First, New York . . . then the world! They shall all feel my pain!"

"He's serious," Linda frowned.

"Yes I am!" the Master yelled. "Dead serious . . . "

"Of all the lame, cheap-o super villains to come across," Cissie sighed.

"Lame?" he asked. "Cheap? I think not! Taste my wrath!"

Out of nowhere, a blast of yellow mustard soaked Cissie's shirt while spaghetti sauce and noodles landed on her head.

"Ha!" he exclaimed. "You are a mess . . . and your clothes are ruined! Now you know what it's like!"

"Oh . . . my god," Cissie said. "You so did not just do that . . . "

"Oh, but I did!" he grinned wickedly. "And I shall do more . . . !"

"Come here!" Cissie yelled, leaping at him. She began to punch him and beat him up, even pulling at his hair.

The Grand Master began screaming like a little girl. He yelled and started crying, even yelling for his 'mommy'.

"Jeez," Cissie said, letting him go and watching him fall on his butt. "You're pathetic."

The other girls just stood behind Cissie, trying not to laugh.

"It's still messy," Hallie said.

"Make the mess go away," Cissie said.

"No," the Master said, almost whimpering.

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes! Right this second or you are so grounded!"

"You can't ground me! You're not my mom!"

"Take the mess away!"

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Because you didn't say the magic word . . . !"

"Oh, for the love of . . . please?"

"No," the Master grinned. "You do it!"

And with that, the Grand Master of Messiness took to the air, flying into the air and out of sight. As he left, the garbage stopped arriving.

"Well . . . that was different," Hallie said.

"Completely," Linda frowned.

"My shirt . . . " Cissie said. "He ruined . . . my shirt!"

"He sure made a mess here," Spoiler said. "I'd hate to be the one stuck cleaning it up."

"Good thing we weren't in costume, too," Hallie said. "Imagine the headlines . . . 'Arrowette Beats Homeless Man!'"

"Lousy bum," Cissie frowned.

"I can't wait 'till Superboy hears this," Linda grinned.

"No no no . . . we're not telling the boys," Cissie frowned.

"Oh, come on," Spoiler said. "Have a sense of humor about yourself!"

"Fine," Cissie said. She pulled some spaghetti from her hair and flung it at Spoiler.

"What?" she exclaimed. "You . . . you . . . a-huh . . . hahahaheeheeha!"

Hallie started laughing, too.

"I don't get it," Linda said. She looked at Rebel. Rebel shrugged. "We don't get it. Ah well . . . let's get home . . . clean you up."

Cissie growled.