DCM
#9
October 2001
Wisdom and Apparition go to a pub!
Excalibur logo
Special Untitled Issue! Wow!
by Paul A. Hahn

Muir Island. Morning.

Pete Wisdom wheeled himself out of the main complex on a wheelchair, his head looking bald and a cigarette in his hands. "Come to me, my X-Men! Make it so! Get me my hookers!"

Tinya Wazzo and Piotr Nikolievitch Rasputin stared at him in disgust.

"You're a disgusting man," Tinya frowned. "How dare you impersonate Professor Xavier like that?"

"I thought it seemed pretty authentic," Wisdom shrugged, standing.

"Wisdom!" Doctor Moira MacTaggert's voice came yelling. "Get me swimming cap of o' yuir head!"

"That was yours?" he asked, pulling it off. "I thought it was Kurt's. Then again, that does explain those pink, frilly dress-things . . . "

Moira growled and ripped the swimming cap away from Wisdom, then went back inside.

"My humor just isn't appreciated."

"There is much about you that is not appreciated," Piotr replied. "And never will be."

"Do y'think I'll be allowed to borrow the Runner for a quick trip to the mainland?" Wisdom asked. "I need to find me a pub."

"Somehow I doubt Moira would allow you," Piotr frowned. "Especially alone."

"Well, I'm not a pilot, anyways," Wisdom replied. "I'd need autopilot, or someone to drive me there. And, well, I don't even know of any good pubs outside o' London."

"I can help you there," Tinya replied. "There's this really great little pub called the Chalk and Cheese. Moira's family used to own it. It's a cozy little joint."

"Will you fly me there?" Wisdom asked. "Come on, MacTaggert likes you! And you're a pilot."

"But then I have to stay with you," she frowned.

"I'll buy you a drink."

"I'll need it," she shook her head. "Come on, you useless git . . . I'll go ask Moira."


Muir's training room.

"Good!" Kurt Wagner said, watching Meggan work. She was knocking down targets, using a super-strength that she had rarely shown before. "I didn't know you had it in you."

"I do!" she said, slugging another target and snapping it in half. "Especially with Brian gone . . . we've lost some muscle. I should step up."

"Well, between you, Brian, and Colossus, strength is something we have plenty of. And if that young girl, Rogue, would join? Even more muscle. Let's just hope we have equal brain and skill to back it up."

"I think you have us covered there," she grinned.

"I hope so," Kurt answered. "I just don't know. Team leader? Seems like it would make more sense for Brian to be leader."

"Brian doesn't want it," she shrugged. "He doesn't even fully want to be part of Excalibur. He's a scientist at heart, y'know . . . he'd rather spend his time working alongside Moira and Rory, helping mutants that way."

"So why did he agree to go into such a dangerous mission with the Hellfire Club?"

"Because he was the only one who could."


London. The Hellfire Club mansion.

"This meeting for the Inner Circle of the Hellfire Club is called to order."

Six people sat about a round table. The King: Sean Cassidy. The Queen: A mysterious woman named Ms. Steed. Bishop: Selene. Rook: The Lady Margali Szardos. Knight: Terra Markov. Pawn: Brian Braddock.

Standing up a few feet away from the table was a young woman known only as Scribe, the observer and recorder for the circle.

"Tonight we welcome our newest members, officially," Cassidy continued. "Brian and Terra. Terra, who bested Mountjoy, earned her way in. Brian laid claim t'the position by heritage, as it was once held by his father. The goal of the club is simple. We shall rule the world, conquering it through economics an' subterfuge, rather than force. We are all mutants. Dangerous, powerful mutants. And England is still relatively calm about our people. Not like in the States."

"In case you were wondering, that's one of the reason's we wear red," the Red Queen spoke up. "Distancing ourselves from the States, especially our counterparts that wear Black and White. They're fools. We're not."

"We've begun a series of plans," Cassidy resumed control. "The Information Exchange Treaty between ourselves and Black Air served us well."

Treaty with Black Air? Brian asked himself. They're allies with Black Air. That makes the situation even more dire . . . and more deadly.

"Our continued alliance with Black Air will serve us well," Cassidy continued. "Margali is a magician of near unlimited power. Black Air has a conduit for her to channel even more energy through . . . her own renegade daughter."

"She's going to use her daughter?" Brian couldn't help but blurt it out.

"Yes," Margali replied. "I shall do whatever is necessary. Should it kill her, it matters not. Many will die in the months to come . . . she is but one more."

Brian did his best to hide the look of shock on his face.

"We've discovered a great power underneath London," Cassidy started again. "A great magical power that Margali will control. It will give Hellfire limitless power."

"I thought you said we were taking over through economics," Terra interrupted. "What's this power? We are using force?"

"Not exactly," Cassidy grinned. "We will use force t'disrupt the United Kingdom. We will leave it in shambles . . . and it will be time for the Hellfire Club to assert control. We have the majority of Parliament on our side. We have Black Air's alliance . . . for now, at least. The country will be ours."

Brian and Terra exchanged a confused glance quickly. It did not go unnoticed to the Scribe. She was a young albino mutant whose mind allowed her to completely transcribe anything she hears or sees to memory.

"What about the Neo?" Margali asked.

"They're of little consequence," Selene answered. "A mistake of evolution. Black Air will eradicate them for us."

"Black Air doesn't seem trustworthy," Brian said. "Are you sure they're not just playing you?"

"You mean us," Selene corrected him. "And what makes you think we're not playing them? We're both playing each other, more than likely. All that matters is that we win."


The Chalk and Cheese.

"Morning, Annie," Tinya said with a wave.

"G'morning, lass," a young blond woman replied. She was the bartender. "Brought a friend, did you?"

"I wouldn't say friend," she answered as she and Pete Wisdom sat down at the bar.

"Boyfriend?"

"NO!" Both answered together. They looked at each other.

"Like I'm that undesirable," Tinya said.

"Oh, and what's wrong with me?" Wisdom asked.

"You smoke, you swear, you're mean, you--"

"Enough. Scotch."

"Aye," Annie replied. "And ye?"

"A coke."

"A coke?" Wisdom asked. "You come to a bleedin' pub for me to buy you a drink, and you get a coke?"

"Okay, rum and coke," Tinya frowned.

"Comin' right up," Annie said with a smile and a nod.

"Yknow, my face still hurts from when you punched me," Wisdom frowned.

"I figured you'd be used to your face hurting," she replied. "It's always hurting me."

"Oh, here we go . . . "

"Calm down," Tinya frowned. "I was only playing with you."

"Right. Great. Where's me Scotch?"


Muir again.

"Ah'm really sorry," Rogue said, shaking her head.

"Why are you sorry?" Rory Campbell asked.

"For Alex," she answered. "He busted in here, caused all this damage . . . just t'get me."

"That's not your fault," Rory answered. "His actions were his own. And Moira's got more than a big enough bank account to handle the rebuilding. She'll just be a bit stubborn about it."

"Ah'll help in any way Ah can," she said. "Maybe, with mah strength, Ah could help with the construction?"

"No worries," Campbell smiled. "You just worry about yourself for now. I've just about completed your psych evaluation. Basically, I don't think you're a threat anymore. I don't think you really ever were . . . you were just mislead. However, I do have to keep you for the minimum requirement of time. It's not much longer. And then I have to get court approval . . . but that shouldn't be too difficult."

"And then . . . Ah can stay? Learn how to control my powers?"

Rory nodded. "We'll get you on your feet in no time."

"Thank you!"

And as the two talked, Copycat watched from her cell and sulked. He spent so much time with the little Rogue. And why? Because he had deemed her salvageable. He had decided not to bother with her. He would pay for that . . .


The Chalk and Cheese.

Tinya and Pete continued their late morning drinks.

"Hey, Annie, could you turn up the TV there?" Tinya asked.

"Certainly," she said. "Looks like some kinda news break . . . "

"Some attack on Parliament?" Tinya asked.

"Eh?" Wisdom looked up. "Says they were attacked by crazy people with super powers . . . "

" . . . Calling themselves Neo!" Tinya exclaimed.

"We've gotta call the others, gotta get out there," Wisdom said.

"We've got the Midnight Runner!"

"Then we'll go to London ourselves and send it back to Muir on autopilot for the rest of 'em."

"The two of us go into action first?"

"The job needs doing," Wisdom said, standing. He pulled out a few bills and laid them on the bar. "Gotta go, Annie. Thanks for the drinks."

"Here, it'll be faster this way," Tinya said, grabbing hold of his hand. "If I turn us intangible, we can glide through the bar, walk on air and get inside the ship. Come on!"

"You're the boss."

And the two headed off to face the Neo . . .


Next: Apparition and Wisdom take on the Neo!
Hey everyone! Paul here. Y'know, Paul A. Hahn, the author of the issue you just read? (Well, at least I hope you read it!) In case you hadn't noticed, this issue was a little short. That's because I wanted to save room for your letters! (Well, okay, it's really because I couldn't think of anything more to add to this issue and I was already starting to fall behind. But hey! If anyone's read Warren Ellis' run on Excalibur (which, uhh . . . this stuff is basically a cheap imitation of ;), then ya'll know that he'd write stories that weren't 22 pages! And then there'd be a whole slew of letters! Kinda cool, eh?) So anyways . . . let's get to those letters!

This letter comes from New York City! Anonymous writes:

"Dear Excalibur, I just love your book! Pete Wisdom is so funny. He reminds me of what he was like during Ellis' run on the real Excalibur. He was really cool back then. Then Ellis left and Wisdom got screwed up . . . and then Ellis came back only to royally screw up X-Force, Generation X and X-Man! Is it any wonder two of them got canceled and one got a total overhaul? What was Marvel thinking? I swear, I don't know what Bob Harras was thinking. And the new X-Force just blows. I might like it if it was a different title, but they stole X-Force! Argh!"

Well, umm . . . Anonymous . . . you're absolutely correct! What are those guys at Marvel thinking? I mean, those Ultimate books are amazing . . . and so are the Spider-Man books! But the X-Titles, well . . . they can't seem to get a break, can they?

And speaking of X-Force, keep your eyes peeled for DCM's X-Force, coming soon!

Dino Pollard, via the Internet, writes:

"Hey Paul. Good job on Excal. YJ's better, though. I heard you're taking over the X-Men. Congrats. It could use a fresh writer. Just didn't sit right before. But anyways . . . since you're writing X-Men, Excalibur and Exiles . . . what's next? Anything cool coming up with those mutants soon?"

Hey Dino! Thanks for the compliments! X-Men's a lot of fun, and I think it'll be getting a lot better in months to come! As for Exiles, the future of that title is uncertain at the moment. It needs a co-writer, as I just can't find the motivation to write it. If anyone out there's interested, it'd be greatly appreciated! But speaking of mutant events . . . there's the Mutant Massacre coming in January! It'll run through Young Justice, X-Men, and two one-shots! Excal won't be involved, unfortunately . . . because they'll be busy with other stuff!

Oh well, that's all the room we've got this month. Feel free to send me your questions or comments at darthmav@aol.com. I look forward to hearing from you. And, oh yeah, I could always use a name for this letters thing . . . because, y'know, if you guys actually send it questions, I might make this a regular feature! But until then . . . I'll catch ya on the flip side!